i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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