I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
