so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
