He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize