she woke up with a sticky ear
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
