that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
