there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
