I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
this will be a night to untag.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
