She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
