In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize