Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
