How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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