At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
