he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just gargled with NyQuil
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
