I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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