I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
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I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
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She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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