so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
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Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
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We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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