Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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