Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
