Your mouth is God's brothel.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
