May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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