wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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