My entire life is one complicated drinking game
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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