So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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