I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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