I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
