...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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