I puked a lego.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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