Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
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i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
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Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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