My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
