It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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