At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
