I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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