i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
