4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Randomize
