I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
