I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
