So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
