just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I love having hate sex.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
