So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
