I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
