He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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