hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
