I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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