Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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