Apparently you make a good broom.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
