once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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