maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
