Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
