her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
