There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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