Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Randomize
