If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
