the condom got lost in my hair
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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