I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
