All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
