she was so not down for the gang bang
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
