So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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