Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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