I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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