I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
