i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
