Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
