I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
