So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
