Please, let me fuck your mom
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
