I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
