I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
