Redeem this text for a blowjob
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My ATM looks so different sober.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
