isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
