so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
