shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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