Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
