Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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