I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
