i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
vagina is talking i cant
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
