If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
