Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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