dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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