We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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