It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
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So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
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I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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