I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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