whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
