I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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