Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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