Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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